The Mini-burger

FanFic in the Birmoverse

Rhino furry

0400 Wheelhouse of MV Aussie Rules.



The Rhino was deliberately waiting before he got his next cup of coffee and a new cigar. He was well aware of the rapidly diminishing supply of both. To find something to do he tweaked the sea clutter up a touch on the RADAR. He snorted “Damned thing’ll acquire, plot & lay off a course & speed for a new target before I even know it’s there.” While the old days had required more skill, more knowledge, a more intuitive touch, there certainly was something to be said for the new whizz-bangery of integrated GPS Chart Plotters & RADAR with ARPA. He drew some comfort from the knowledge that he could go back to the old technology, where as the under 10 pussies couldn’t find their own ass or donkey without GPS. He settled his leathery grey rump back into the gas lift helm chair, which despite being designed by some softcockerel interior designer and trimmed in white vinyl , the Rhino had to admit it was a thing of great comfort.

His mental background chatter stopped short as he sensed someone coming up the stairwell. That fox Fifi, wrapped in a blanket, padded to beside his helm chair.

“Awesome night isn’t it Rhino?”

“Never get sick of it Fifi, not in a million years.”


A compatible silence settled as they looked out on the moonlit sea. More stars than the sky could possible hold danced on the long slow sea swell. The ship flowed through the oiled blackness with a minimum of foam & fuss, as if she had every right to be where she was, on the heading she was.


Inside the wheel house the gentle red glow of gauges and dials lit the Rhino’s hard horns from below casting his eyes into deep shadow, evening out a thousand wrinkles scars and lines on his battered hide. Fifi broke the silence with a demure little yap.

“I know you’re on watch and I should be sleeping but my head is so tense you know, I can’t get to the end of one idea before another jumps over the top of it.”

“Yes’m” rumbled the Rhino.


I single tear rolled down Fifi’s cheek.  Her big fluffy tail wrapping protectively around her, flicked with unbridled anticipation. She continued in a small voice. “I’m not always the tough vixen I seem. Sometimes we all need a little love, I’m sure even Rhino’s need love.”

“Yes’m we do” gentled Rhino.

“Rhino, would you hold me?”

“Well how’s about you climb on up here Miss Fifi, seems to me you will about fit in my lap.”


Fifi dropped the blanket to one paw and in the light of the gauges he could see the perfect white fur of her belly, her pointed muzzle and the impressive fluffiness of her red tail.


“God Damn, but she was but a tiny thing of beauty.” He thought as she stepped up onto the footrest of the chair, turned and settled into his arms. The gas lift smoothly and silently eased under her added weight.


It was slow and gentle at first. There was no screaming names, but there was a bit of biting and at one point little Fifi had to ratch deeply with her front teeth into her right thigh to dislodge a family of fleas.


The Rhino’s breathing grew heavier and the little dog like creature in his lap lolled her tongue out and began to pant.  And as the great ungulate beast threw his head back in ecstasy, calling out to his long lost crash, his keratin horn pierced the roof of the bridge, jamming gear mechanism rotating the main radar above him.  The shock jolted him back to reality as the mechanism locked onto his horn and dragging him several inches out of his seat.  The delicious Fifi was unceremoniously dumped to the gas lift chair with a yelp. 


The big two tonne Rhino hung from suspended from the ceiling while the foxy little Fifi was regaining her composure just under his levitated ass.

“Rhino?” she said looking up at one of the last of the great megafauna, “what happened?”

“Ni done no”, came the muffled reply.  The big beast began to wriggle, as much as beast of that size can wriggle, while Fifi supported him from below.

It took a while and it was probably just a 4 foot roller that broke against the starboard side that dislodged him and he fell back into the comfy gas lift chair.


“Fifi?” He called.  Rhino looked about “Fifi?”

Damn, he thought, first sign of any trouble and that little vixen heads for the gun locker.  I hope she’ll be back so we can finish off our furry encounter.


Hours later at 05:55 Mr. Lee appeared on deck to take his watch. He found the Rhino just finishing a cigar. Riding out the long slow ocean swells in a damned good gas lift chair.

“Time for me to take the watch Mr Rhino” said the great Mongoose

“Sure thing,” said the Rhino who got up to let Mr Lee sit.


“Any problems during the night?” he asked.

“Just a slight horn malfunction,” he said sheepishly pointing to the ceiling, his big bushy tail flicking to add to the embarrassment.


It wasn’t until the Rhino had left that Mr Lee realized that something had gone seriously awry with the Rhino’s tail.


10 March, 2009 - Posted by | Without Warning

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: