The Mini-burger

FanFic in the Birmoverse

Rhino /

0400 Wheelhouse of MV Aussie Rules.



The Rhino was deliberately waiting before he got his next cup of coffee and a new cigar. He was well aware of the rapidly diminishing supply of both. To find something to do he tweaked the sea clutter up a touch on the RADAR. He snorted “Damned thing’ll acquire, plot & lay off a course & speed for a new target before I even know it’s there.”

While the old days had required more skill, more knowledge, a more intuitive touch, there certainly was something to be said for the new whizz-bangery of integrated GPS Chart Plotters & RADAR with ARPA. He drew some comfort from the knowledge that he could go back to the old technology, where as the under 30 pussies couldn’t find their own ass without GPS. He settled his ass back into the gas lift helm chair, which despite being designed by some softcock interior designer and trimmed in white leather, the Rhino had to admit it was a thing of great comfort.


His mental background chatter stopped short as he sensed someone coming up the stairwell. Mr Lee, wrapped in a blanket, padded to beside his helm chair.

“Wonderful night isn’t it Mr Rhino?”

“Never get sick of it Lee, not in a million years.”


A companionable silence settled as they looked out on the moonlit sea. More stars than the sky could possible hold danced on the long slow sea swell. The ship flowed through the oiled blackness with a minimum of foam & fuss, as if she had every right to be where she was, on the heading she was.


Inside the wheel house the gentle red glow of gauges and dials lit the Rhino’s hard face from below, evening out a thousand scars and lines. Mr Lee broke the silence.

“I know you’re on watch and I should be sleeping but I am confused.  My mind is jumping from one thought to another.  I don’t think anything bad is about to befall us but I can’t get to the end of one idea before another jumps over the top of it.”

“Yup” rumbled the Rhino.


I single tear rolled down Mr Lee’s cheek. He continued in a quite boyish voice. “I’m not always the tough pirate I seem. Sometimes we all need a little love, I’m sure even Rhino’s need love.”

“Yes sir we do” gentled Rhino.

“Rhino, would you hold me?”

“Well how’s about you climb on up here Mr Lee, seems to me you will about fit in my lap.”


Mr Lee dropped the blanket to one hand and in the light of the gauges the Rhino could see the twinkle in the old man’s eyes, the hairless boy-like Asian body and the strength of his thighs and arms.


“God Damn, but you’re a tiny thing of beauty.” He thought as the older man stepped up onto the footrest of the chair, turned and settled into his arms. The gas lift smoothly and silently eased under the added weight.


It was hard and it was fast.  Rhino was sure some screaming was involved but if it was Mr Lee or himself he couldn’t be sure.  All the same, it seemed like the wheelhouse kept their secrets and they weren’t disturbed. When it was over Mr Lee slipped a $20 note into the Rhino’s half clenched fist, patted his stubble roughened cheek and left.


He sat there alone in the darkness of the bridge.  The money, worthless though it was, told the big man’s story.  The sobbing that started deep in his chest surprised and scared him. 

“When,” he thought, “when will I ever find love.”


At 05:55 Fifi appeared on deck to take his watch. She found the Rhino red eyed and pensive just finishing a cigar.


“You good?” she asked reaching out to him. 

“Yup,” said the big guy as he turned to leave, ”It’s good to be the Rhino,”





10 March, 2009 - Posted by | Without Warning

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