The Mini-burger

FanFic in the Birmoverse

Dear Mrs First Lady – NoWhereBob

It seemed that half the nutbags and fruitbars who had survived the Wave considered First Lady Barb Kipper a back channel to the President.

As a result her secret service security detail had to wade through more bizarre mail directed her way than to anyone else in the reformed executive. She wondered if Eleanor Roosevelt or the other Barbara – wife of George Bush had been a target for this kind of crap.
“Just one of the joys” muttered Smithers her Personal Assistant. “You’ll probably want to reply to this one,” he continued “It’s from one of your old neighbors.”
“Christ, not Mrs Heinemann again” prayed Barb as she gingerly took the letter from Smithers. The spiky script in ballpoint was not encouraging.

29 Deerford Drive

Dear Barb,
Just brief notes to say thank you for your kindness.
I understand that you interceded on my behalf to get my medication fast tracked and in turn got me out of that awful cell. Your kindness despite the unfortunate incident with the President is testimony to the goodness in your heart.

My doctor says that so long as I continue taking my meds and attending therapy sessions, the voices shouldn’t bother me and I wont pose a risk to others or myself again.

However I feel I need to tell you, so you can tell the President, how it is I may have came to open the hellmouth. You see I alone have special powers to communicate with the ancient ones – modern religions have referred to them as God and the Devil, but I know them as the ancients. They are being of pure energy who exist between physical planes. I am blessed with the capacity to speak with them and unfortunately on 14th March I believe offended them. They have limited access to our temporal realm through portals where lay lines converge. On the 14th I was cursing them and the way they complicate my life when two of the most powerful ancients emerged and caused the horrible deaths behind the wave. I generated a force field to contain them then hid from them for a year as they raged behind the Wave I created. Eventually I accepted my responsibility and banished them back to their plane of existence. Thus I was able to relax the Wave and here we are.

I hope Suzie is well and hope you’ll visit soon.


Barb let the letter slip from her hands as a cold shiver ran up her spine.
“There but for the grace of god” she thought.


3 April, 2009 - Posted by | Pepsi Challenges, Without Warning

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